SAN FRANCISCO, CA – The world was saddened by the sudden loss of 21 year old Katherine (KT) Prew yesterday morning. While visiting San Francisco, a city she loathed, she sought comfort in the familiar confines of The Gap. After finding the “perfect black cashmere twin set” she stepped into street. While simultaneously trying to light a cigarette and look into the plastic bag, she apparently inhaled the plastic bag which became lodged in her throat. The situation was made worse when a passerby, who wishes to remain anonymous, tried to steal her cigarette and accidentally set the bag aflame. Prew, in her last moments, stumbled into traffic and was struck by a slow moving bicyclist. Her last words have been reported as being, “mmph grr mm hmm ffhrfph.”

Close friend, but not boyfriend, as he was quick to point out, Scott Vandehey, said, “This is really terrible, just horrible, I mean, she really hated San Francisco. No one ever understood why, but she would go on about it for hours, especially when she was drunk. I mean she REALLY hated that place. I don’t even know why she was there!”

Steven Havelka, another friend of the deceased, upon hearing the news, remarked, “KT who?”

Katherine Prew is survived by one manic cat, Sunshine, and her roommate Miles, who was quoted as saying, “Well, who’s going to clean the bathroom now?”

An autopsy is scheduled for later this week and funeral services will be held at the Second Act Lounge on the first floor of the Ione Plaza, Thursday, during $1 beer night. Expected to attend is the entire Community Development major from Portland State University, although any MURP (Masters of Urban and Regional Planning) students will be denied entry due to Prew’s belief that they were “all a bunch of fu*king morons.”

Katherine Dianne Prew’s final resting place will be underneath the bench across from the Parkway Manor, her former residence, where she often sat and enjoyed a late night cigarette.