Today, for the first time in more than 16 years of school, I experienced the pleasure of taking a class because I wanted to, not because I had to.
In high school, I was an atheist with questions. I wasn’t really sure what I believed in, but I was sure as hell that it wasn’t Christianity. It bothered me, though, that I couldn’t say where my dislike of that religion or my lack of faith came from. Secretly, I admired people who had faith, though not those who blindly followed. Any probing into religion I did quickly turned me off, because I don’t like being preached to.
In recent years, I’ve started wondering what my beliefs are. I don’t think I ever really considered myself an Atheist, but it was an easy answer when people asked that somewhat lined up with my positions on things. But what about reincarnation? What about the the historical truths behind religions? These kinds of questions began to interest me.
My research into these matters has been slow, both intentionally and unintentionally. I try to make myself go slow and absorb as much information as I can before I declare anything to be in line with “my views.” However, I have also been slow because I don’t feel I have the vocabulary to really think about these kinds of things yet. I just don’t know if I’ve had enough experiences to really be able to say that I know how I feel about things like this. So for the most part, I try to keep my mouth shut about religion.
Over the last year, especially, I’ve found my interest level rising, and my trust in my ability to have an opinion increasing. I still try to move slowly, and be sure that I educate myself carefully before making any dumb announcements that I’ve “seen the light.”
I still admire people who have faith. Faith is not something that comes easily to me, so those who are able to hold onto it in an intelligent fashion are people I look up to.
With all of that said, the reason I’ve never been able to accept Christianity was because I studied it’s origins. It’s difficult to accept a divine aspect to what was, in essence, a political movement. But I would have to say that I’m drawn most strongly to aspects of Christianity than any other religion. Parts of it appeal to me very strongly.
Someone said once that the defining characteristic of “Generation X” was their desire to pick and choose what they believe, rather than accepting the whole package from any one group. That certainly seems to fit my desires in religious matters. Elements from Buddhism, Shinto and Christianity all click with me, but I don’t agree with any of them entirely. My personal faith, such as it is, even as it evolves by the minute, is drawn from many sources.
The toughest challenge for me in answering the question of what I believe in lies in reconciling what I believe to be true in History with what I believe to be true in matters of Faith.
Which brings me back to my class, “The Search For The Historical Jesus.” Immediately, I liked the professor. He’s approaching the class with an attitude that I like. He’s a Lutheran, and a History Geek, and has been teaching the class for years. It’s a small class, only about 20 people, and he likes to break up the 2-hour chunk of time with a video in each session. He approaches the class with the expectation that not only will the class not give you any answers, it will probably leave you with more questions. But it will give you the ability to approach those questions intelligently.
When he went around and asked everyone why they were taking the class, I was able to say for the first time, honestly, that I was taking the class because I was interested in it.
