Tag Archives: jobs

Want to Sell Coal in Poland?

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Hello,
Your resume was found on one of the job sites. We examined your candidacy and want to offer you a position in our company. If your resume changed, please send us an updated version to email, indicated at the end of the letter.

My name is Natalie Patton, I am a employee manager in the company Natural Resources Inc.

Briefly about our company: we deal with selling and purchasing of certificate on the coal in Europe. The first license for activity in Poland was provided in 1998. Nowadays, we have our offices and employees all over the world. We work with individual clients, as well as with corporations. Our central office is located in Poland.

We offer ideal conditions of work. All our employees are provided with a whole kit to have the possibility of working in every part of the world. Absolutely gratuitous we grant a laptop (brand Dell, HP or Apple) and mobile phone (brand Blackberry or iPhone), we pay for internet access and mobile communication. Once in a year we grant a 2-week vacation on the resorts of Poland.

We aren’t standing still and that is why having the European market conquered we move on to reach the U.S. one. The primary stage – is to form the staff. And namely you are offered a position in dynamically developing company.

At the stage of forming the staff we offer a possibility of flexible schedule or part-time occupancy.

Annual salary is $125,000. We appreciate well-educated employees; that is why if you have MBA, the raise in the salary is granted. Each certificate of degree is individual that is why the markup must be stipulated with head manager, after being accepted for employment.

With the expansion of the influence of our company in the U.S. market, promotion track is naturally granted to you.

We are always glad to answer all your questions and stipulate the conditions of collaboration. You can get in touch with us by phone (from 8 am till 6 pm, Monday-Friday) or through email in any time, convenient for you. We are looking forward to your answer.

Natalie Patton,
Natural Resources Inc
email address

I just got this spam, and I was cracking up reading it. The broken English is, of course, hilarious in its own right, but here are some of my favorite points:

  • They found your resume on “one of the job sites.” No need to be specific, you’ll know which one.
  • They’re happy to take your phone call, but don’t provide a phone number.
  • Having conquered the European coal market, they’re expanding to the US. So presumably, you’d be selling coal here in the states, but your vacation must be taken in Poland.

Miles Visits and Scott Angers His Coworkers

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Time: 3:48am (press return). Miles has just left my house. Around 9pm tonight (yesterday) Annie checked out a car, and we picked up Miles and Zach (and KT) at KT’s house. On the way to Gustav’s, Miles started telling a story about his housemates which he was only able to finish by the time we left Gustav’s two hours later. We dropped KT off, and Miles suggested renting The Original Kings of Comedy, which we all watched at my house, and were greatly amused by. We had a great time, and were sad to see Miles go. Zach asked if he could crash here for the night, which we agreed to, and I said he could sleep in the middle bedroom (where our computers are set up) after I checked my email.

Now Zach is sleeping in the basement, and I’m still sitting at my computer because I have work to do. I knew this might happen, since Steve and I had a demo assigned to us at a meeting today, which is due tomorrow (today) at 9am (5 hours from now). But since Miles was only in town for one day, I decided to hang out with him and run the risk of coming home to a pile of work needing to be done.

Now I’m facing the same decision I faced so many times in college: With five hours until the project is due, is it better to work now and get three hours of sleep at the end, or sleep now and get up in three hours to do the work? Or is it better to post to KillingMachines and avoid the decision altogether?

Gainfully Employed Halloween Costume

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So as thrilled as I am to have a job now, I have to admit that it destroyed my idea for a halloween costume. I was just going to show up wearing a nice shirt and tie. Business Casual kind of thing. I can see how it would go now:

KT: What are you supposed to be?
Scott: I’m gainfully employed!

Get it? Because I was unemployed, so I was pretending to have a job? Funny, huh?

Yeah, okay. Annie didn’t think it was funny either.

So my job is great.

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So my job is great. I’m working with Steve, doing stuff I love. The boss has already upped my hours twice, and sounds confident that the two salespeople he’s hiring will enable him to bring me on full-time. The DSL’s due in a little more than a week, and Annie’s getting food stamps tomorrow, so we’ll be able to afford food! Life is starting to pick up for me.

About the only thing that isn’t working out perfectly is the fact that I’m online a good deal more often now that I’m working, which means that my family and I come into conflict over the phone line. It’s all been civilized so far, but just the same, I’m glad the DSL will be here soon.

Also, I relocated my computer. It’s funny, but just moving it to a different room in the house has totally increased my motivation to work on it. Maybe there’s something to this Feng Shui stuff.

Unfortunately, with my upturn in luck, Annie’s seems to be in a slump. Her sprained ankle got worse today, though how much of that is due to her forgetting to take her medicine isn’t clear. The doctor gave her one more week of light duty, which means more office work. Hopefully her leg will heal up quickly and she’ll be able to get back to doing the fun stuff.