“I opened my eyes to see the rat taking a piss in my coffee mug” is the first line ofCrooked Little Vein, by Warren Ellis, who may be familiar to you from his work in comics, includingTransmetropolitan andThe Authority. If you’re anything like me, that’s all you need to hear to know this is something you want to read. If you’re unsure, just ask yourself if you would be interested in a novel about a private detective who is hired by the Chief of Staff to locate the other Constitution, “a secret document privately authored by several of the Founders detailing the real intent of their design for American society.” In the course of his search, he is exposed to underground cultures and practices that make him want to run screaming the other way. Ellis takes great pride in his ability to make you squirm in your seat, and based many of the oddball scenarios in the book on things he found on the internet. If you’re a fan of Ellis’ other work, then I’m sure you’ll get a kick out of this, and if you’re not, then I’m sure you stopped reading back at the rat pissing in the coffee mug.