Space Ninja

(originally posted to hatelife 2000-3-24)
I just woke up from the weirdest dream. I had stolen a mummy from the science department at my school. This was a big deal because it was their first intact mummy and they hadn’t even opened the case yet. I took it back to my apartment and opened the sarecofogus. Inside were several smaller clay jars filled with dirt, and I presume the mummified internal organs of the guy, though I didn’t dig around. The jars were all shaped to fit together tightly and fill the sarcofus. I was disappointed that there wasn’t a mummy, just the jars. Then I was scared when I discovered a large plastic bag attached to the underside of the lid. Inside, I could vaguely see through the gel-like fluid, was the mummy. I saw his hand first. It was very small and the whole arm was in a sleeve prjecting off the main bag, though all the other limbs were in the main bag. The mummies head was tiny, while its body was swollen from having been in the fluids for so long. I could see the scars where they slit him open to remove his organs. I don’t remember him having any legs.

At this point, I felt guilty. My fantasy about being in the newspaper as the boy who discovered the mummy disappeared and I felt bad, so I tried to call teh science department to make them come pick up the mummy and take it back, even though I knew that wouldn’t be good enough, since I had already taken the fun away by opening it. I couldn’t find the number anywhere, even though I knew where it was in the phone book, the operator couldn’t help me.

I wandered into the living room with Annie and told her not to disturb the mummy in our bedroom. Then we talked for a few seconds about remodeling the apartment.

The dream suddenly shifts places. Now I’m at a party. There are lots of women in bikinis. I was floating in someone’s kitchen, which was full of water. I remember people dropping into the water from above, but when I floated up to breath, the water went all the way up to the ceiling, except in one place, where there was about an inch of air. I spent a long time in the water, looking for places to breath. At one point I helped a woman gather dishes from one kitchen and take them to another. I swam around and a woman in a bikini was trying to talk to me through the open kitchen door. I couldn’t answer, since I was underwater and I wondered how she could talk (I couldn’t understand her, but she was clearly speaking). I swam through the doorway and discovered air on the otherside. I thought in my dream that it was neat they had a forcefeild to hold water in, but not me. The woman was gone, but someone who I think was named HotRod Charlie (I’m almost positive that name is wrong, but it was something like that. He never said his name, I saw it printed in front of him like a credit on a TV show) was giving free advice to the room about how to flirt. Several women in bikinis were listening intently. I felt like he and I were friends, but I don’t know the guy, and he looks like someone on TV.

I still felt incredibly guilty about the mummy and was wondering how I could call the science department, and then Hot Rod Charlie led me into the next room, saying someone from the science department was there to see me. There were several badly-dressed men standing in the room smiling at me. At first I was happy, thinking that they had come to take the mummy back, but then I realized they were loan-shark kind of people who were here to break my legs (though i don’t remember borrowing money, I think it just had to do with the mummy). I didn’t try to run. The main guy looked exactly like LaFours from Mallrats.

Then I woke up. My shoulders are all tense and I feel like I’ve been holding my breath a lot.
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