Space Ninja

Since Zoe was born, Annie and I don’t get out to see movies together as often as we’d like, so when we do manage to swing it, we feel the need to pick something that demands the big screen. Last time, we saw Cloverfield, which was an easy decision. This time, we decided that Jumper seemed like the one that most needed the big screen. The good news is that the effects are fantastic, and the fight scenes are a lot of fun. The bad news is that there is no plot to speak of. Anakin is the main character, who discovers that he has the ability to teleport, and immediately runs away from home to lead a glamorous but morally bankrupt life. He robs banks, eat lunch on top of the Sphinx, and picks up women in a bar in London. All of this ends when he is attacked by men with cattle prods in the Colosseum. Long story short, another teleporter reveals to him that there is an ancient war between “Jumpers” and “Paladins,” a religious group who are determined to exterminate all Jumpers. The Paladins are led by a distractingly white-haired Samuel Jackson, but while they are armed with all sorts of advanced technology, they don’t seem to have any training whatsoever, because Anakin and his buddy proceed to beat the snot out of them. By the end of the movie, nothing is resolved, but you don’t really care, because you’re not invested in any of the characters. Still, the special effects are pretty, and if your primary goal is to spend some time with your wife away from the baby, Jumper is not half-bad.