Friends, I have seen the light! After carefully reading a pamphlet given to me by a man at the bus station, I have been born again, and I am making changes in my life. I have renounced my wicked ways, and I have taken a vow of celibacy to atone for my former sins.
And as one who has seen the Truth, it is my duty to try to save my friends, who are on the path to damnation. I call on each of you to follow the one true path into the light.
Miles: Isn’t it obvious that philosophy is just another tool of the Devil to trick you into renouncing the True Faith?
Steve: I know the pornographic website we ran together brings in a lot of money, but all the money in the world will not save you on Judgment Day!
Urn and Pat: As the best customers on our shameful website, your souls are in danger as well!
KT, Annie, and Jester: Stripping may pay the bills, but it is still a SIN and you will pay for it in the here-after.
Alex: Your girlfriend may not know that you’ve been wearing her underwear, but God does!
I’m sorry if that was painful for any of you, but it was necessary! Having seen the light, it is my duty to attempt to save you all from yourselves! It’s not to late to change your wicked ways!
I'm a 30-year-old 
Not that I mean to step on any religious toes that may frequent this site, but..
Situations like those make me wish I could memorise more useful facts about the invention of Jesus the Christ.
Anyone with a fancy for god’s good word (or a philosophical bent) should read some of Thomas Paine’s work, particularly The Age of Reason and the Answer to Bishop Llandaff. I never realised how important this guy was, inspiring the declaration of independence and what not. Pity most schools seem to skip over his existence altogether..
April 1st, 2001 at 9:47 pm
sorry bout that..
April 1st, 2001 at 9:49 pm
CELIBACY, not celebacy.
April 1st, 2001 at 10:14 pm
I went ahead and enabled the HTML on this reply. Having done a bit of Historical Jesus research myself, I can say that there is absolutely no support for this theory among mainstream Historical Jesus scholars, but it is interesting to read.
April 1st, 2001 at 11:25 pm
Others apart sat on a hill retiredin thoughts more elevate and reasoned highof Providence, foreknowledge, will and fate—fixed fate, free will, foreknowledge absolute,and found no end, in wandering mazes lost.Of good and evil much they argued then,of happiness and final misery.Passion and apathy, and glory and shame:Vain wisdom all, and false philosophy:but with a pleasing sorcery could charmpain for a while, and anguish, and exciteFallacious hope, or arm th’ obdured breastwith stubborn patience as with triple steel.– Milton, Paradise Lost
April 2nd, 2001 at 10:07 am
Which theory? I was quite skeptical of the whole let’s-disprove-jesus-for-kicks movement when I first saw it, but the evidence seems quite sound. I haven’t been able to find much to refute it actually, especially the lack of any mention of Jesus in the (unaltered) works of Josephus the historian.Tom Paine said it better than I could ever hope to, however.
April 3rd, 2001 at 3:29 am