two down, one to go!

Urn’s Bachelor Party:
This was pretty cool. We decided not to tell Urn that the party was going to happen on Friday night instead of Saturday. Kat’s family agreed to keep Urn in one place so we could show up and kidnap him. We met in the Wendy’s parking lot, bought some pantyhose for masks at a grocery store, and then drove over to Kat’s parent’s house.

When we got there, the front door was open, which kinda ruined our plan of knocking on the door, and then when Kat’s family sent Urn to answer, we would tackle him, throw a pillowcase over his head, hog-tie him, and throw him in the back of Jeff’s Land Rover, which would take off.

Instead, we all ran into the house, down a couple hallways, and into the kitchen, where Urn was seated at the far end of the table, so we hand to run around it. I threw the pillowcase over his head, and someone else tied his hands, and then we had to walk him down the hallway, and carefully lead him down the stairs, which he couldn’t see, of course. [aside: these things seem so obvious in hindsight] Then we threw him in the back of the truck, which took off down the road, Jeff swerving the whole way.

When we got to our first stop (the casino), we let Urn out of the back, and decked him out in all the horrible things people had bought him. He had a horrible powder-blue suit jacket, a visor with boobs on it, a boob pacifier, and a bag full of condoms with a photo of some girl’s ass on it. Oh, and there was Candy, the blow-up doll, but the Casino guys wouldn’t let us take her in with us.

So we had dinner, drinks, and did some gambling. Urn kept getting money and drinks thrown at him, but by about 1am, the common consensus was that he wasn’t drunk enough, so we drove to an Irish pub that someone knew about, and we all set about the serious business of making Urn drink more. Highlights of the evening from then on (at this point I was pretty drunk too).

- Urn’s Blow Job: “Now, Urn, this shot is called a blow job and you have to drink it without using your hands and… OH GOD” Before we could finish telling Urn what to do, he had already wrapped his lips around the glass and tossed it back without spilling any. Appearently, when the girls made Kat do the same thing, she spilled it all over herself and her friends. I’m not sure what that says about their relationship… ;)

- Urn’s New Friend: While Urn was at the bar and we were buying him shots of whiskey, he started chatting up the guy sitting next to him. None of us (including Urn) had ever seen this man before, but Urn was talking to him for at least 20 minutes, and the guy even bought Urn a shot.

- Urn Plays Pool: Well, not really. It was more like: “Urn holds himself up with the pool table and waves the pool cue around, and then falls over.”

- Urn Throws Up In The Bar: several times. At this point, we decided it was time to leave (but not before a girl let Urn grope her in the stairwell!).

- Professor Urn: Once we got Urn outside, he got very talkative. Though admittedly, most of what he was saying was telling us our girlfriends were all “cute” or “hot”, and then shouting Sean or Pat’s name over and over again, laced with profanities and more vomiting.

There are a *lot* of photos, and as soon as I get ahold of them, I’ll be posting them, the better to humiliate Urn with. I was going to post about their wedding too, but I think I’ll save that for another post, given how long this one is.