sigh. well, in a few short days steph’s websites will be off my server.. and thus ends one part of my life i’d hoped to treasure always. each day since has moved slowly, but all told time has gone by quickly.
at least i have some interesting new diversions to keep me busy; my business to pursue (goal: time and money to vacation in a foreign country by the summer), my ongoing involvement as a fiddler and accordionist with the gypsy band Gaida and thara memory’s community orchestra, and my latest hobby - taking pi for her daily runs in the forest after dark. it’s exciting! our nightly excursions are getting scarier, the deeper into the woods we go.. :)
as for gaida, we’ve a show coming up on the 28th of february.. we’re playing in some kind of festival with several other folk bands, including some of minor but genuine celebrity (of course i don’t remember who.) then we’ve got a show on march 14th; and beyond that the sky, according to my band-mates, is the limit.
it’s funny, as much as i enjoy playing music, i know already that my heart isn’t wholly in it - it took me close to five years to discover that with martial arts..both an interesting diversion, but ultimately just a path that runs parallel to my own (in the case of martial arts, for a while- in the case of music..it could be a lifelong pursuit.) that doesn’t mean that i don’t take it seriously, of course, or that i don’t plan on continuing to develop my technical and expressive skills with the instruments. but it isn’t the goal, it isn’t the end. something else is waiting for me..
I'm a 30-year-old 
Dood, I don’t think there is an “end.” The path is the path. I never met anyone who had “come to rest” in their life. Heh, unless you count slow degeneration.
February 5th, 2003 at 6:11 pm
you know what, though? a lot of people do find something they enjoy and find rewarding, and pursue it, and don’t add a lot of completely new things. they expand their pursuit of that thing they find rewarding. they don’t just get to a point and stop, but they have found a framework that suits them well.
that’s all i’m saying.. i haven’t completely unearthed the framework that fits me well yet. only partially. i like what i see so far.
February 5th, 2003 at 6:32 pm
“Sooner or later, you’re going to realize there’s a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path.”- Morpheus
Every time I play with Leilani, I fall more and more in love. When I first held her after she was born, I knew . . . that I was put on this earth to be a dad.
Which is not to say that fatherhood is the meaning of life, but more that if people hang in there, they’ll find what they’re looking for. More often than not, we seem to stumble into it, but we still find it.
My dreams have shifted from being a reclusive writer who lives a hermetic existence twenty floors above street level with a cat, to raising a family and opening a cabinet shop. And, eventually, to walk into Powell’s and see my name on a shelf.
February 6th, 2003 at 8:54 am