Everything Sucks Again

soo…everything sucks again…was I always this extreme?

I’M ON CRUTCHES!!!! I CAN’T F’CKING BELIEVE THIS!!

anywhoo…man, if one more person calls me gimpy I swear I’m going to break their knees with one of them…actually, I won’t, I can’t stand violence now more than ever…

I’m just so sick of feeling helpless, especially when yesterday I thought I was doing great and then it all fell apart after “work”. I was in an intense amount of pain yesterday afternoon and it even woke me up from a nap. you know it’s bad when I have a hard time napping… I had my foot elevated, with ice and I had taken my ibuprofen but it didn’t help. I told Scott if I still was so distracted by pain after he came back from his errand that we were going back to the hospital because I didn’t know what else to do. I thought I was going to faint trying to get out of bed and going downstairs. It was worse then when I initially sprained it practically. the nurse at the hospital (same one I went to initially on the 12th), was really surprised that they didn’t give me crutches right away, and that I absolutely was putting too much weight on it and to stay off of it.

arrgghh…so I guess I’m just going to be lame for Halloween this year…this is getting so frustrating, and it’s hard to keep it all in perspective some days. fortunately, scott and his family have been really supportive of me putting up with my crankiness. the guys at work have been awesome too, but I get so cranky when I’m not social… It’s like I don’t even want to hear about all the cool stuff my team is doing because it’s too depressing, I don’t even feel like I’m part of a team anymore.

I finally got accepted to the portland car-sharing thing so I have access to a car when I need one, and I want to help out places for my light duty work, but getting anywhere is so difficult that it’s almost not worth it to leave the house some days…and now they’re telling me NOT too…I keep getting back into this really depressed cranky state and I hate it.

Started Physical Therapy

oh man, do I feel better, I’ve started physical therapy for my ankle, begun exercises at home and got a wee bit o’ cash from workers comp. now of course I have to slog through the paperwork, but like I have anything but time on my hands. :)

it also means I have to report it to the food stamp place with more paperwork, but such is life.

mmm… paperwork… so mind-numbingly delicious… mmm…

I finally made a dress I’ve had waiting for me since this summer and it’s awesome! I’ll wear it at thanksgiving so everyone can tell me how talented I am. heehee!

On monday I get to help out at growing gardens sorting pictures and seeds and such. rad. I’m such a sucker for other people’s menial labor, I swear. I really truly love pulling ivy, it’s so satisfying….maybe I should start a side business…hmm…

Sooo…scott’s LITTLE brother is getting married on halloween over in NYC and it’s freaky. we’re all pretty cool with it and everything, but he’s MY little brother’s age! 20! mostly I’m just really jealous that someone else in the family is getting married before me. ;) it’s a little hard to take in. it sucks that I don’t feel like doing anything for halloween this year, I’m really not up to much except lying around and being waited on or being driven places where I can have a good time and don’t have to walk much.

it was crazy last night I had to ask scott’s parents to drop us off and pick us up at a movie because of my ankle. it sucks when you can’t even drive on your own date. and believe me we were going to go on a date whether scott liked it or not! :) oh no! my girlfriends taking me out for pizza & beer and a funny movie! (Jay & silent bob) whatever shall I do? wherever shall I go? what’s to become of me?! haha. he liked it.

It’s been kind of a weird mix, going to see offensive guy movies and reading lots of magazines like BUST, and Ms., and Bitch. I was at our local non-profit women’s book store buying a wonder woman address book when I spotted a box of free mags. score. I loaded up on old issues of MS. to see what was going on ten years ago… the same things that are going on now! who knew? ;)

anyway, the stuff is really interesting, and all boys should read these kinds of magazines. Scott even read “the vagina monolouges” without any prompting from me! and then I loaned it to his friend! boys are so surprising sometimes, that’s why I love ‘em…