Monthly Archives: August 2001

Shaolin Soccer

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Shaolin Soccer

This is the best thing ever in the history of all things.

Sean casually told me that he had seen a cool music video the night before on the wacky Chinese music video program he tapes. He mentioned something about soccer and kung fu. I was completely blown away when he showed it to me. The video is basically a collection of action shots, which means it’s either an artsy music video, or a video for a movie. It’s about a soccer team that does kung-fu. Random impressions:

  • Guy does a flying side kick, sending the soccer ball flying through the air, where it ignites into fire, and the fire is shaped like a tiger.
  • Everyone on the team doing a break-dancing-style back-spin, where their legs are twirling through the air, and they’re kicking a soccer ball back and forth.
  • The goalie falling into a kung-fu stance, and doing the Bruce-Lee-come-here hand move.
  • The main kicker with a huge load on his back, kicking a fridge through the air.
  • The main kicker doing a hacky-sack kind of thing… with an egg.

Shaolin Soccer

The song was cool too, but I was completely amazed by the soccer team doing kung fu. I really cannot explain to you how amazing this was. Then we got online, and did a google seach for “kung fu soccer chinese music video.” The search revealed to us that Stephen Chow is directing and starring in a movie called Shaolin Soccer, out in Hong Kong now, which will be released by Mirimax here in the States sometime in 2002.

Shaolin Soccer

Poker with Castro Dream

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Last night I had a dream that I was playing poker with Castro. We were getting along well, like we were old buddies. It was a big deal that he was there, because the government wanted him for some reason. Then we tried to negotiate a treaty, because he wouldn’t talk to anyone but us, but it failed when one of my friends pointed out that Castro smelled really bad.

And speaking of Castro, have you heard about the depraved dictator’s cruel plot?

Cuba Launches Shark Attack on US!

The Day I Took My Gang To The Beach

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Some of you know that Steve and I have plans to get a digital movie camera and start producing no-budget short films which we will release on the internet. The idea is to capitalize on our short attention span. Now for your viewing pleasure I present my latest concept.

The Day I Took My Gang To The Beach

As we were leaving the beach, we saw a group of guys walking in. Now, I don’t know that they were thugs, but they were dressed the part, and it made me laugh to picture a bunch of hard-ass gangstas relaxing at the beach. So my film will be about a gang, who head to the beach after some successful gang-related activities. They should all walk onto this nice, sunny family beach and mill around for a few minutes, making comments to each other like “This is a nice beach, yo.” Perhaps some of them will take off their shoes and roll up their baggy pants to the knees and wade into the surf, where they stand around in ankle-deep water, trying to look hard. I think it would be a little too much to have them playing frisbee, though.

Karaoke for Annie's Birthday

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Last night was Annie’s birthday, so she decided that she wanted to go out to a place called the Java Jive. Despite the name and the fact that the place is housed in a building shaped like a coffepot, it’s a bar. An incredibly small bar with an overwhelming amount of tacky decorations everywhere and graffiti on every surface. In short, the kind of place Annie loves. She pointed out to me that even though the bartender told her not to, she wrote something on the wall as a tribute to her friend Stacy, who died recently. Oh, and did I mention that it was a karaoke bar? Fortunately, most people sang either rock ballads (Every Rose Has A Thorn) or country songs that I didn’t know. But just so I wouldn’t feel left out, they ruined a few songs that I do like, including The Devil Went Down To Georgia, The Humpty Dance, and several Johnny Cash songs. Thankfully, they discovered that the CD with Depeche Mode’s Personal Jesus had a scratch on it before I was forced to commit murder.

Things I learned last night:

  • Karaoke bar people think that what you lack in singing talent you can make up for in volume.
  • Karaoke bar people have bad taste in music.
  • Some people really do need killin’.
  • I can only pray that when I die, my friends care enough about me to deface a drinking establishment in my name.
  • Annie and I have very different tastes in interior decoration.
  • The only way I would ever, under any circumstances, do karaoke is if Steve and I got on stage to perform Stand By Your Man.

Things I will learn soon:

  • Posting jokes about your girlfriend’s favorite things is a bad idea.