I think that without women around, men tend to revert to an uncivilized state. Annie is gone this week, and I act completely differently than when she’s here. I stopped showering and shaving. When I get up at around two in the afternoon I tend to wander around in just a ratty pair of short (if anything). I stay up until five or six in the morning. Since I have no one to talk to, I tend to go days without saying a single word out loud. I spend tremendous amounts of time online. I’m pretty sure my eyes are bloodshot. I eat worse than usual (hard to believe). I play loud music all the time (louder than normal).

Now, I didn’t act this way when I was single, but I think that’s because I was trying to get a woman, so I was still acting in a civilized manner. Now that I have a girlfriend, I trust that she will come back when she leaves. But while she’s gone I have no one to impress.

I can only pray that Annie never leaves me for more than a month, because I’m sure that I would revert back into some sort of missing-link figure, more of a chimpanzee than a human. She would return to find me with a slanting forehead and a jutting chin, flinging feces around the room, incapable of communicating with more than simple grunting.