10pm) 1/4 plate fondue, 1 plate schnitzel strips and fries, 3 shots Stolichnaya Vodka, 1 glass Cider Jack Hard Cider. 1am) 2 shots Schmirnoff Citrus Vodka, 1 glass water. 3:30am) 1 glass water. 5am) 1 glass water. 8:30am) 1 glass … Keep reading
TRUE STORY: One time I walked into the tek room and Steve ran up and said “Scott! I’m glad you’re here! I have to show this to someone!!” And he then proceeded to walk me through the entire event. He … Keep reading
“You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else.” – Tyler Durden
“It’s not that we’re against pornography…” – Steve Havelka
“You’re not dying. You just can’t think of anything good to do.” – Ferris Bueller
My uber-boss called a meeting this morning. 8:30am. Mandatory. That’s three hours before I normally get up. Yes, I know it’s not that early, but when you’re used to getting up at a certain time, getting up 3 hours earlier … Keep reading
oops… my mistake… I shouldn’t have called her bitch. I should have called her ho-bitch.
So I walk into my speech class this morning and the prof starts handing back the tests, sees me and goes “Oh, we’re going to go over the test now, so maybe you should sit outside for a few minutes?” … Keep reading
I forget how it started, but it ended with Quentin Tarantino shooting through a wall and hitting my best friend in the head. I was upset at him, but I was also worried that he might shoot me.
I’m a stand-up-comedian on the death star. I’m “entertaining” hoards of young children, all dressed like Darth Vader. I’m aware of the fact that these children are trained to infiltrate the normal ranks of troops and report suspicious activities. They … Keep reading
I think someone peeing on me while I was trapped under a car would really suck.
I think one of the worst parts about getting sick is trying to make up for it afterward. I tend to skip class a good deal. I’ve been doing it less than usual this term, but I’ve still skipped a … Keep reading
“Don’t forget that when I found you, you were so stinking drunk you couldn’t buy BRANDY! And YOU! Friendless! Brainless! Helpless! HOPELESS! Do you want me to send you back where you were? UNEMPLOYED? In GREENLAND??” – Vizzini, The Princess … Keep reading
There’s a feeling that you sometimes get… The morning after a really good party. A quiet moment in the backseat of the car three hours into a car trip. Things like that. The feeling is really hard to describe. I … Keep reading
Do you ever obsess over really odd things? I’ve been living in my apartment for about six months now, and at least twice a day, as I walk to and from school, I have to walk under a freeway overpass. … Keep reading
I don’t get sick very often, so when I do, it usually takes me completely by surprise. I’m one of those people who gets a few colds and maybe a touch of the flu each year, but is fine most … Keep reading